A Life in My Shoes

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

My Goal

To be a friend of everyone,
To see the good in what they've done,
To see the man that ought to be,
And love him though we disagree.

To keep my cool when troubles come,
To gain new faith when tempted some,
To always bear the torch of peace,
And trust that strife will one day cease.

To entertain no thought of greed,
But note what other people need,
To be content whate'er my lot,
Aware that joy cannot be bought.

To recognize the minor things,
To concentrate on finer things,
To always do my very best,
And trust that God will do the rest.

I absolutely love this poem that my grandad wrote. It articulates not only the goals I hold for myself but the goals that I'd like to see achieved in this world. There's no new discovery in this poem--he says nothing that others haven't said in the past. Maybe I like it so much because it's pretty plainly put--it probably doesn't hurt that it's my grandad's work.

In all honesty, my one main goal is to actually accomplish in life what God planned for me to accomplish. That sounds like a fairly easy goal. However, I struggle with it the most. I have no idea what God wants me to do. People talk of these amazing experiences they have of communicating with God. I'm willing to listen, I'm even asking to listen, but I'm still deaf to God's voice. I'm trying to figure this out. My one conclusion is that on the surface I'm practically shouting "God, tell me what you want me to do!" But subconsciously, I'm scared out of my mind of what he's going to say, so perhaps inadvertently I'm blocking Him out. Wow do I have issues! Some might say that I don't want to give up control of my life. I'm not necessarily scared of that. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'd get a sense of peace if I felt that was happening. I definitely see God's work around me daily. I know that right now I'm in the place he wants me to be, but I think I got here merely by dumb luck. I honestly took the first job I got. Granted God most likely orchestrated my whole job search and landed this job for me. That gives me comfort that God is getting me into the place he wants me, but I wish I was more in tune with His wishes for me. Argh!

I'm quickly approaching that time again when I need to figure out what to do with my life next. Yikes! I thought I just finished this process. I'm giving myself 6 months before I have to buckle down and figure out what to do. Is my problem that I keep putting a time line on God? I can see where that would be a problem--thanks to the phrase "In God's own time." However, should I take a completely passive stance and just wait for divine intervention. I know that God interacts with everyone differently. I'm expecting to hear this booming voice (perhaps something similar to Sean Connery's voice) saying "Adrienne you should be a (fill in the blank)." Perhaps this is not how God is planning to notify me of His plan for me. Maybe he helps me figure it out myself. I'm a fairly rational person, so perhaps He'll help me rationalize my way through it by having me thoroughly research my options. Or what I fear most is He'll want me to do something completely unrational, and therefore something completely out of my comfort zone. Which who wouldn't want to "Grab Life by the Mane," jump into that snowy pit on a winter day, and kill that lion with their bare hands? I must admit I'm fairly intimidated by the possibility of looking like an idiot. I agree that you don't hear about those who didn't take the risk for God, but you don't really hear about those who took the risk for God and crashed. Does that happen? What if I don't hear God clearly and completely follow the wrong risky path? Does God wish for some to take a risky path just to end up looking like an idiot? Is that His plan for me? So many questions...

One of my many faults is my lack of confidence; however, I do realize that I have a lot of potential. I believe that counteracts a bit of my lack of confidence. I have this feeling that God has a pretty big plan for me, but I've yet to determine exactly what it is! Since I'm aware of this little tid bit, I feel even more pressure to figure out God's plan.

I just hope I can figure it all out before I die. I'd hate to disappoint God. I'm not trying to be dense, but I sure am. I guess I need to figure out how God communicates with me and then cut open my heart in order to hear Him. However, if I can't hear Him, how do I figure out how He communicates with me?

1 Comments:

  • This is an action-packed post, full of great thoughts (including your grandfather's poem which is incredible) and huge questions. I wish could say I had the answers, but all I can say for sure is that you're asking all of the right questions...in my opinion anyway.

    As you know, they are questions that all of our friends are wrestling with as we speak. Finding the answers to them is part of our adventure with God. And the fact that no two people find exactly the same answers is part of what makes God so cool and our relationship with him "personal".

    Assuming you're stumbling around in the dark, which I'm not convinced that you are, you're doing a pretty good job so far of moving from one place to another in your life. So, I'd say keep doing what you're doing and all of the answers will come to you.

    I don't know how or when, but I do know God. He promised that if we seek him we'll find him. Looking forward to reading more about your search.

    Dennis

    By Blogger The Black Sheep, at 9:18 AM  

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